No, I don't mean that word. You know I don't mean that word -- this is a family site, and I am a nice Canadian lady. I don't mean fascism, either, not today, anyway, and I don't mean feminism for the moment, although we shall revisit that one shortly. So many good F-words, so little time.
I shouldn't make fun of the FBI. They have given me endless hours of entertainment, much as have the RCMP and CSIS. I mean, they are all just so cute when they fall over their own feet or get their feet stuck in their mouths or actually shoot selves in the foot, especially when that gets them a visit to a judicial inquiry or the Supreme Court.
And it's not even the FBI I'm talking about -- well, it is, but they're not the F-word that we know is really threatening Freedom and the North American Way of Life. No, that word would be f*l*f*ls, as we learned last November:
Like Hansel and Gretel hoping to follow their bread crumbs out of the forest, the FBI sifted through customer data collected by San Francisco-area grocery stores in 2005 and 2006, hoping that sales records of Middle Eastern food would lead to Iranian terrorists.
The idea was that a spike in, say, falafel sales, combined with other data, would lead to Iranian secret agents in the south San Francisco-San Jose area.
It appears that the FBI have not abandoned this line of counter-terrorist strategy. They've just decided to delve a bit deeper, to go after the gateway condiments and vegetables that might lead to f*l*f*ls, in anticipation of terrorist attacks at the Republican National Convention in Minneapolis, 1-4 September, rumoured to be planned at this very moment by subversive vegetarians:
Carroll, who requested that his real name not be used, showed up early and waited anxiously for Swanson’s arrival. Ten minutes later, he says, a casually dressed Swanson showed up, flanked by a woman whom he introduced as FBI Special Agent Maureen E. Mazzola. For the next 20 minutes, Mazzola would do most of the talking.
“She told me that I had the perfect ‘look,’” recalls Carroll. “And that I had the perfect personality—they kept saying I was friendly and personable—for what they were looking for.”
What they were looking for, Carroll says, was an informant—someone to show up at “vegan potlucks” throughout the Twin Cities and rub shoulders with RNC protestors, schmoozing his way into their inner circles, then reporting back to the FBI’s Joint Terrorism Task Force, a partnership between multiple federal agencies and state and local law enforcement. The effort’s primary mission, according to the Minneapolis division’s website, is to “investigate terrorist acts carried out by groups or organizations which fall within the definition of terrorist groups as set forth in the current United States Attorney General Guidelines.”
Carroll would be compensated for his efforts, but only if his involvement yielded an arrest. No exact dollar figure was offered.
Y'know, the FBI's JTTF is sort of a big deal. And paying agents provocateurs for procuring arrests, sheer numbers of arrests, not convictions, is -- how can I put this? -- crooked (we used to call that illegal). You might almost think that someone was trying to discourage legal peaceful protests by decent and noble citizens of a democracy (however many lentils and chickpeas they might have consumed), mightn't you? That could never happen in Canada, of course.
I actually mean to write something serious about the FBI and even worse things as they apply to Canada -- to some members of the Canadian government and to some agents of our government -- the DoJ's Inspector General's report into FBI involvement in and observation of detainee treatment at Guantanamo Bay and in Afghanistan and Iraq having been published this week. The report is long and troubling and obviously not the whole truth, but it still tells us a whole lot, if only by implication. I started tracking discussion of it at emptywheel's place, where I also learned of the killer vegans. See also this efficient summary from the Washington Post.